Dr. Cid vs. Final Fantasy X Part 4

Welcome to 20 Sided Tardis, where our opinions are bigger on the inside.

Dr. Cid here, I'm gonna post this today, instead of my usual Monday update because I have an exam I have to study for. Anyways, it's time to dive right back into Final Fantasy X.

So, after Wakka rescues Aquaman from the big bad ocean, they fight another smaller boss monster and head to Kilika. Turns out the peaceful village of Kilika was wiped out by Sin, and now they're asking Yuna (in her role as Summoner) to send the spirits of the dead to the Farplane, so they won't become fiends.

So, the monsters that I've been beating up are...people? Okay, that's a new twist, and I kinda like it. I also, like Yuna acting as a priest, something that most adventuring White Mages and Clerics don't have to deal with a lot. And my own feelings toward organized religion aside, I like seeing these kinds of things. DMs, GMs and Storytellers take note: Sometimes being a Cleric means more than casting Cure Light Wounds and using Healing Word.

So, we get treated to what I feel is the MONEY SHOT FMV of the game. Yeah, there's some cool ones involving a Wedding and some underwater make-outs later, but this one is probably my favorite one of the game, and easily the most iconic of the universe they're setting up. The sending. You know what, I'm gonna let the cutscene speak for itself on this.



Now that you all know my pain on the voice acting in this thing...

Afterward, the crew heads up to the Kilika temple, and go through the Cloister of Trials to get Yuna her next Aeon, and we fight a Sin Spawn. Apparently, Sin (ever the fun guy), leaves bits of itself behind and if people don't kill them fast enough, he comes back and causes damage AGAIN! What a great world these people live in.

So, the village safe again, we head back to the boat (cue T-pain) and head off to Luca, where Yuna is certain someone'll recognize the time-lost Tidus.

You know, I cannot begin to describe how stupid this plan is.

"So, yeah, I'm from Troy."

"Like Troy, went to war with Greece over Helen, Troy?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

"And you played Football there?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so despite Troy being wiped off the map a thousand years ago, we're gonna take you to the Superbowl to see if anyone knows who you are."

Riiiight, this plan is right up there with "Get her!" This is why Ray doesn't make the plans, guys. So, Tidus begins going through his head what an amazing Blitzer his dad was, and Yuna keeps making googley eyes at Tidus, wanting him to be one of her bajillion guardians. Apparently, Jecht and Auron were her Dad's guardians, so I guess she's hoping bad ass runs in the family. No such luck here, sister.

So, Tidus battles some of his demons and unlocks the secrets of the Jecht Shot (a blitzball technique that's apparently bad ass).





The Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III. So Badassed, you're sexually aroused just seeing it.



Go him. Also, there's some stuff going on between Lulu and Wakka, most of it involving Wakka's brother Chappu.

God, who came up with these names?

So, we get to Luca and proceed to get the usual scenes of various dignitaries arriving at the festivities. Including...Seymour Guado.

Let me start off by saying this. Wakka, I'm sorry. When I called you "the most ridiculous looking character in all of Final Fantasy". Honestly, where do I begin with Seymour...




First off, that hair alone is not only the stuff of nightmares, but also the reason that 90% of Final Fantasy Cosplayers get made fun of on the internet. Somedays I'm convinced that Nomura is sitting at his drawing table, laughing at stupid cosplayers while adding more physics defying clothes and stupid hair.

Know what, the character designs in this game are just stupid in general. Let's just move on.

So, Tidus picks a fight with the local champion Blitzball team, the Luca Goers (no, seriously, who comes up with these names?!), and ends up on the Spira equivalent to the TV. Wakka gets Tidus under control and in the locker room, we go over the Blitzball Tutorials. Which are painful. Luckily Yuna arrives to save me (wow, those were words I never thought I'd type) telling me Auron is somewhere in Luca. Fuck yes! To hell with Wakka and his blitz game, I'm gonna find Auron and we're gonna go on badass adventures. Like so:






Yuna and Tidus have a scene that I'm sure'll come up later, hence me bringing it up. Afriad of getting separated, Tidus tries teaching Yuna to whistle, (apparently Whistling is also derived from Blitzball, did you know that?!), and explains that if they get separated, all she has to do is whistle and he'll come running.

Well, we get to the bar where someone saw Yuna and some Ronzo start picking a fight with Kimahri. I totally forgot he was even there. Well, Kimahri responds by punching a Ronso in the face so hard it knocks him out in one shot! Hell yeah, he may not talk much, but don't fuck with the furry, cause he will KICK YOUR ASS!!!

Well, while we're distracted with Kimahri finally doing something cool, Yuna was kidnapped by the Al-Bhed, who want the Aurochs to throw the Blitzball tournament, or they'll hurt Yuna. Since Wakka is busy playing, looks like it's up to Tidus, Scooby and Lulu to save the white mage.

So the three of us battle some machine robot things (which Lulu tells me are weak to lightning...as if I didn't know that already), and we proceed to the boat that the Al-Bhed hold our captive Summoner...who apparently freed herself and was in the process of escaping when we go there.

And at this point, I think I may be in love with Yuna. She's kind, she's sweet, cares for others...and when she gets captured, she'll crack skulls instead of waiting for me to do all the damn work. Sorry, Zelda, your knights in another castle.

Tidus inspects the ship, hoping that maybe these Al-Bhed are the ones who rescued him earlier in the game, but they're not. He also finds out that Yuna is Al-Bhed on her mother's side and is told not to tell Wakka.

So, The Aurochs win the first round of the Tournament, and Wakka seems beat. See, this whole rescue was inter cut with scenes of the match, and includes a bit of dialogue between Lulu and Tidus that is HILARIOUS out of context.

Tidus: Hey, Wakka's still in there!
Lulu: Chappu would still be standing after all that.
Tidus: Ouch.

So, the gang rejoin and Tidus goes in to the Blitzball match, and I have to say...I HATE this mini-game. Like I hate it more than I hate just about anything else.

See, I grew up with a brother, which means I've got plenty of Sports Video Games under my belt. So, the fact that the players move themselves, you don't control ANYTHING on Defense, and you can only pass and/or shoot whenever the game decides you can is RIDICULOUS. I've played FFX three times. And each time, I've had a different experience with this tournament. The first time was a close match, with me losing 2-3. The second time was a ridiculous affair where I won like 8-0, and this time through, I got into a place where I could shoot the ball twice. Neither went in.

Honestly, this is probably one of the biggest failings of FFX. The players move on a 2D field, when 3D would've been cooler and still within the systems limitations. I'm sorry, but when the Harry Potter Quidditch game on the GAMECUBE is more fun and a better made sports game than this, there's problems.




Seriously, this shouldn't be better than THIS:




















And I know, it's a MINI-game. It's supposed to be a side-thing. I get that. But at the same time, clearly it's the defining event in this world. Yuna even all but says that Blitzball is the only sport/hobby/recreational event in all of Spira (which is really fucking weird, but whatever). You'd think it be a better crafted min-game for clearly being that important to the game world.

God I hate this game. Thankfully, it asks me if I want to save, and I take this moment to end my misery, if only for a while.

...takes on the World. Part 3

Welcome to 20-Sided Tardis, where our opinions are bigger on the inside.

I hate this game. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. "Oh, it's a Final Fantasy, it can't be bad, right? I mean, Final Fantasy IX is an AMAZING game. This can't keep pissing me off, can it?"

I was wrong. And since Schadenfreude makes the world laugh, dear companions, I dive back into the crap fest that is Final Fantasy X.

Yes, I realize that is a bad pun. There is a Pun Hell, and I am going to it. I may be driving the bus.

So, we last left Tidus being told to go to the temple and introduce himself to the Summoner. But first, Wakka checks to make sure he knows the prayer to Yevon. As it turns out, it (much like everything in the damn game) goes back to Blitzball and was a sign for Victory in the sport back in Tidus's time.

Now armed with the rudimentary knowledge to not get himself lynched, Tidus goes to the temple, we sit through some cutscenes where Tidus gets some exposition dropped on him, makes excuses about getting too close to Sin, and then makes a reference to how pathetic it is that he's making the same excuse over and over again.

Really game...thank you for doing my job for me. I thought Final Fantasy XII was the only game that did that.

At the break of dawn, Wakka is summoned by the Old Dude from the Temple (I guess he's the Summoner? See, Pun Hell) and rushes off. Tidus wakes up and goes to see what the commotion is.

Turns out the apprentice Summoner has been inside the Cloister of Trials too long and people are getting worried. Wakka says that she has her Guardians, so she'd be fine, but Tidus decides that if someone's in trouble, he's off to save them, rules be damned.

And I'll admit, here's where I start to like the douchebag. Yeah, he's got a girly haircut, an outfit only a Squeenix character could love and whines waaaay too much, but he's always ready to stupidly jump into action for a hot chick.

I can respect that.

So, they go in and we meet the rest of the party, Lulu and Kimahri.



Lulu would probably be told that after a certain age women can't pull off the Loli look, but she's a Black Mage and a snarky bitch at that, which means I love her to death.


And Kimahri...speaks in "Fuck You" glances.

Neither of them are pleased by Tidus's appearance. But it's all made better when the apprentice summoner comes out of the Chamber of the Fayth and...

Wait. Hold on, just a second there.

Fayth? Fayth? Someone decided that Faith had to be spelled with a Y? What were you afraid of what people might say if your fantasy games series, one where a headmaster gave a bunch of his students a magic lamp that contained the fucking devil I might add, had something resembling a religious overtone? Seriously, the whole plot of the game is a holy pilgrimage to the various temples of Spira so that Yuna can ask more Gods for help kicking Cthulu's ass!

...which sounds kinda awesome, but still...Fuck you and your Poor Literacy Square! You and Midway can suck my dictionary!

Rant aside, Yuna emerges and claims that she's a summoner now. And since I've commented on every one else's character designs, I guess Yuna's up next.



Actually, I like this design. It's a little "traditional Japanese" for my fantasy setting tastes, but Yuna is a White Mage and you can tell. Hello hot priest lady.

So, there's some more cutscenes and Yuna summons a big wind bird thing. Tidus makes eyes at Yuna, and Wakka informs blondey that she's WAY out of his league. Yuna then talks to Tidus, hits on him in a shy, white magey way and we call it an evening.

/Sarcasm Gee, is the Shy, Sheltered White Mage and the hot-tempered brash hero with the sword gonna make out later? "I never would've seen this coming. What an amazing development." /end Sarcasm.

So, after a dream where Jecht makes fun of your inability to land a woman (is the game trying for meta humor there?), the gang departs, Tidus is going with the group, because they're all eventually going to Luca, where a giant Blitzball tournament is held.

Great, more Blitzball. Okay, I get that Final Fantasy VII broke the mold and became mainstream, and that the other Final Fantasy games had to follow suit. I get that. I really do. I have a memory of the distinct moment I realized that had happened.

But c'mon, shoehorning in a SPORTS mini-game? And making it part of the plot, and setting to the point where everyone's okay taking time off from hunting the eldritch abomination to play and/or watch the game?!

We do not need the frat boy douchebag demographic that bad. We're RPG Gamers, not those Halo Fuckers. (Author's Edit: This was said in a moment of rage and I was in the moment. I have nothing against Halo, or those that play it. I just hate some of those stereotypical players that ruin it for everybody else. You know who they are.)

So, on the long walk back to the beach to catch our boat, it seems that every random encounter is actually a tutorial on how to use the abilities of the party. Remember when games didn't give you tutorials? When if you bought the game used without the manual (from the Video Game Exchange), then you had hours of experimentation while you played the game. No more my friends, now the games have so many controls and so many buttons that you can expect the first 20% of the game (which for an RPG is like the first 2-3 hours) sprinkled with Tutorials and Exposition.

Not only that but I can sum the tutorials as follows: If it's a dog, Tidus smacks it. If it's a bird, Wakka hits it, and if it's a blob, have Lulu magic it. Summons are for big things, and Kimahri doesn't like you.

Thank you for telling me the obvious. Now, there's also a party member switching mechanic, and you're encouraged to swap people in and out so everyone gains EXP, but really every fight after the tutorial parts up to the Bliztball Tournament is basically: Dog, Flyer, Blob.

Awesome. I hate this game.

So, we get down to the beach, get on a boat and a Map shows where we're going all Indiana Jones style. We then do the typical RPG we're on a boat sequence, which is nothing like this.



Actually...I guess it's kinda like that, minus T-Pain...And after a bit, a boss fight breaks out with Sin! Awesome.

So, after beating the whale-fin...thing, Tidus is knocked overboard and Wakka goes in to save him.

What is it with this guy and being unconscious underwater? Wait...Blonde Hair, Breathes Underwater, has a water based weapon and no one takes him seriously...I know Tidus's great secret...



HE"S AQUAMAN!!!

Holy shit. I think I need a drink.

...Jumps the Shark.

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, welcome to 20-Sided Tardis, where our opinions are bigger on the Inside.

This blog is dedicated to discussing, reviewing and talking about all things geeky, from Tabletop Gaming to Anime to American Comic Books and beyond. So, pull up a chair dear companions and let's begin our foray, shall we?

Back in the early 90s, Batman the Animated Series came out and re-defined cartoons. It was dark, it was moody, and it is STILL the definitive interpretation of the Dark Knight. When I read Batman comics, Kevin Conroy is the voice I hear.

But we're not talking about that today. No, today, we're talking about the DCAU's best project, the absolutely amazing BATMAN BEYOND (or Batman of the Future for those of you outside the US.)

Batman Beyond came out in January of '99 and tells the story of Terry McGuiness, a troubled boy who through a series of misadventures becomes Batman. That's right, he stumbles into the Batcave, steals the Batsuit, foils some evil shenanigans at Wayne Powers Enterprises and Bruce Wayne (aged like 900) decides that the kid can stay Batman. Bruce monitors and guides him from the Batcave, and Terry has a series of adventures as he comes into his own as Batman.

The show was fantastic, and offered a new take on a 60 year old character. Terry's rogue gallery wasn't just "futuristic" versions of Bruce's old villains, but were brand new and unique. Inque, Blight, Shriek, Curare, and The Royal Flush Gang all add something new to the Batman mythos. My only real issue I ever had with the show was with Dana Tan, Terry's girlfriend (and I use the term loosely). The two were always on the verge of break-up (which is one of my top 10 female cliches that I hate), and to top it off, I'm a big fan of Superhero on Superhero action as far as relationships go (I'll talk about that more in a future blog).

The show was just as dark, moody and successful as it's predecessor, and I think part of it is that it didn't talk down to it's audience. It didn't assume (as many shows seem to) that it's viewers were morons, and I think that's why it's held up, even after 10 years. Unfortunately, its wasn't renewed for a 4th Season (Cartoon Network instead launched the also phenomenal Justice League). If you haven't seen it, check it out. All 3 Seasons are available on DVD, and it's definitely worth it.


You can trust me, I'm a Doctor!