...takes on the World. Part 3

Welcome to 20-Sided Tardis, where our opinions are bigger on the inside.

I hate this game. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. "Oh, it's a Final Fantasy, it can't be bad, right? I mean, Final Fantasy IX is an AMAZING game. This can't keep pissing me off, can it?"

I was wrong. And since Schadenfreude makes the world laugh, dear companions, I dive back into the crap fest that is Final Fantasy X.

Yes, I realize that is a bad pun. There is a Pun Hell, and I am going to it. I may be driving the bus.

So, we last left Tidus being told to go to the temple and introduce himself to the Summoner. But first, Wakka checks to make sure he knows the prayer to Yevon. As it turns out, it (much like everything in the damn game) goes back to Blitzball and was a sign for Victory in the sport back in Tidus's time.

Now armed with the rudimentary knowledge to not get himself lynched, Tidus goes to the temple, we sit through some cutscenes where Tidus gets some exposition dropped on him, makes excuses about getting too close to Sin, and then makes a reference to how pathetic it is that he's making the same excuse over and over again.

Really game...thank you for doing my job for me. I thought Final Fantasy XII was the only game that did that.

At the break of dawn, Wakka is summoned by the Old Dude from the Temple (I guess he's the Summoner? See, Pun Hell) and rushes off. Tidus wakes up and goes to see what the commotion is.

Turns out the apprentice Summoner has been inside the Cloister of Trials too long and people are getting worried. Wakka says that she has her Guardians, so she'd be fine, but Tidus decides that if someone's in trouble, he's off to save them, rules be damned.

And I'll admit, here's where I start to like the douchebag. Yeah, he's got a girly haircut, an outfit only a Squeenix character could love and whines waaaay too much, but he's always ready to stupidly jump into action for a hot chick.

I can respect that.

So, they go in and we meet the rest of the party, Lulu and Kimahri.



Lulu would probably be told that after a certain age women can't pull off the Loli look, but she's a Black Mage and a snarky bitch at that, which means I love her to death.


And Kimahri...speaks in "Fuck You" glances.

Neither of them are pleased by Tidus's appearance. But it's all made better when the apprentice summoner comes out of the Chamber of the Fayth and...

Wait. Hold on, just a second there.

Fayth? Fayth? Someone decided that Faith had to be spelled with a Y? What were you afraid of what people might say if your fantasy games series, one where a headmaster gave a bunch of his students a magic lamp that contained the fucking devil I might add, had something resembling a religious overtone? Seriously, the whole plot of the game is a holy pilgrimage to the various temples of Spira so that Yuna can ask more Gods for help kicking Cthulu's ass!

...which sounds kinda awesome, but still...Fuck you and your Poor Literacy Square! You and Midway can suck my dictionary!

Rant aside, Yuna emerges and claims that she's a summoner now. And since I've commented on every one else's character designs, I guess Yuna's up next.



Actually, I like this design. It's a little "traditional Japanese" for my fantasy setting tastes, but Yuna is a White Mage and you can tell. Hello hot priest lady.

So, there's some more cutscenes and Yuna summons a big wind bird thing. Tidus makes eyes at Yuna, and Wakka informs blondey that she's WAY out of his league. Yuna then talks to Tidus, hits on him in a shy, white magey way and we call it an evening.

/Sarcasm Gee, is the Shy, Sheltered White Mage and the hot-tempered brash hero with the sword gonna make out later? "I never would've seen this coming. What an amazing development." /end Sarcasm.

So, after a dream where Jecht makes fun of your inability to land a woman (is the game trying for meta humor there?), the gang departs, Tidus is going with the group, because they're all eventually going to Luca, where a giant Blitzball tournament is held.

Great, more Blitzball. Okay, I get that Final Fantasy VII broke the mold and became mainstream, and that the other Final Fantasy games had to follow suit. I get that. I really do. I have a memory of the distinct moment I realized that had happened.

But c'mon, shoehorning in a SPORTS mini-game? And making it part of the plot, and setting to the point where everyone's okay taking time off from hunting the eldritch abomination to play and/or watch the game?!

We do not need the frat boy douchebag demographic that bad. We're RPG Gamers, not those Halo Fuckers. (Author's Edit: This was said in a moment of rage and I was in the moment. I have nothing against Halo, or those that play it. I just hate some of those stereotypical players that ruin it for everybody else. You know who they are.)

So, on the long walk back to the beach to catch our boat, it seems that every random encounter is actually a tutorial on how to use the abilities of the party. Remember when games didn't give you tutorials? When if you bought the game used without the manual (from the Video Game Exchange), then you had hours of experimentation while you played the game. No more my friends, now the games have so many controls and so many buttons that you can expect the first 20% of the game (which for an RPG is like the first 2-3 hours) sprinkled with Tutorials and Exposition.

Not only that but I can sum the tutorials as follows: If it's a dog, Tidus smacks it. If it's a bird, Wakka hits it, and if it's a blob, have Lulu magic it. Summons are for big things, and Kimahri doesn't like you.

Thank you for telling me the obvious. Now, there's also a party member switching mechanic, and you're encouraged to swap people in and out so everyone gains EXP, but really every fight after the tutorial parts up to the Bliztball Tournament is basically: Dog, Flyer, Blob.

Awesome. I hate this game.

So, we get down to the beach, get on a boat and a Map shows where we're going all Indiana Jones style. We then do the typical RPG we're on a boat sequence, which is nothing like this.



Actually...I guess it's kinda like that, minus T-Pain...And after a bit, a boss fight breaks out with Sin! Awesome.

So, after beating the whale-fin...thing, Tidus is knocked overboard and Wakka goes in to save him.

What is it with this guy and being unconscious underwater? Wait...Blonde Hair, Breathes Underwater, has a water based weapon and no one takes him seriously...I know Tidus's great secret...



HE"S AQUAMAN!!!

Holy shit. I think I need a drink.

...builds a wall [of text]

Welcome to 20-Sided Tardis where our opinions are bigger on the inside. I am The Ed - Thou Shalt Have No Strange Eds Before Me - yet another geek who thinks you care what I have to say.

While the Good Doctor continues his rant on FFX (seriously man, that thing will be ludicrously long if you´re gonna recap the entire game) I'm going to move on to a different Geek subject: Comic Books.

One note first: This is a list of Trades, or Trade Paperbacks as they are sometimes called; collections of complete story arcs or connected/related stories from the same book, character or creator. They are NOT Graphic Novels. There are no such things as Graphic Novels; that is just a term for Comic Books used by people to cowardly or embarrassed to admit that they read Comic Books. This is a list of Comic Books, plain and simple

With that little rant out of the way, lets get to the meat of this post.

The Ed´s Top 10 Comic Book Trades in no particular order

10. Grendel: Black White and Red/Grendel: Red White and Black by Matt Wagner. Grendel is by far one of my favorite characters in all of comics and Matt Wagner is one of the best and most under appreciated writers out there. These collections are made up of several short stories about Hunter Rose, the first character to take the persona of Grendel and the one who started a legacy that lasted over five centuries. Each story is drawn by a different artist hand picked by Wagner to fit the short story. Each artist fits the story pretty well, but the best part of the art, and where the name comes from, is the colors. Every single story is in black and white with the only other color being red, and that is reserved for dramatic moments and or splashes of blood. This style really lends itself to the noir-ish aspect of the character of Hunter Rose all the way from his first assassination to his control of the all crime on the East Coast to the centuries long legacy he inspired. If you´re interested in picking up this intelligent and interesting opus, these two books are a fine place to start.

9. Mage: The Hero Discovered/Mage the Hero Defined by Matt Wagner. Like I said, Wagner is one of my favorite authors out there and this list really shows it. While Grendel was Wagner's take on the Anti-Hero/Villain Protagonist and the concept of aggression, Mage was/is his take on the classic Hero´s Journey. Our main character is Kevin Matchstick, a character loosely based on the author, as he faces challenges out of classical mythology and comes to grips with the fact that he both has an effect on his life and the world in the first book, and his responsibilities to that world and his friends in the second. The characters in these books are, of course, their greatest strength. Matchstick himself is an interesting look at the Authors own view of himself and the world and how he has come to grips with his place in it. Every character has their own voice and personality that will have you rooting for all of them by the end. The character of Myrth, our titular Mage, takes the role of The Obi Wan/The Trickster Mentor and plays it perfectly, letting the reader feel all the frustration and humor in the half truths and riddles he uses to guide our hero. The second book gives us Kirby Hero: The Olympian, a wonderful examination of the Friendly Rival archetype with his relationship with Matchstick as well his interaction with the ongoing plot. The only major problem with these stories is the art. Wagner is the artist as well as the writer and while his art get progressively better once we reach the second book the first books art is lacking and can distract from the story, but at least the trade paper back got rid of the original air brushed coloring, which REALLY improves it. Side note, these are the first 2 parts of a 3 part story which has yet to be finished, but they stand strong by themselves.

8. Batman and the Monster Men/Batman and the Mad Monk by (you guessed it) Matt Wagner. I promise this is the last book by Wagner on the list. While it´s easy to say that Batman: Year One is the greatest Batman book ever, my vote goes to these two books. Set after the Year One story, Wagner's stories are actually retelling of old Golden Age stories, and I think this really shows Wagner's true strength in that he is able to take stories from the GOOFIEST time in comics and make the readers take them seriously. In them Bruce Wayne is still somewhat idealistic in his view of Batman's War on Crime tm, actually thinking that his efforts will lead to the redemption of Gotham City. This characterization is a really interesting take on the start of the Dark Knights career. My personal favorite aspect of the book is the fact that Wagner's art here has really started to shine. His work is still not Alex Ross level, but its crisp simplicity really lends itself to the story and helps pull off some of the horror aspects of the stories. Two really strong Batman stories by an under appreciated author that any Dark Knight fans should really go pick up.

7. Superman: Secret Identity by Kurt Busiek. Superman is a very hard character to write well. He´s massively powerful making it hard to create threats for him to overcome, he´s been around forever and a day thus saddling his writers with decades of baggage and his strict morality can get under a lot of peoples skin. So how does Busiek get around these problems? He sets his story on our Earth. The story centers around a young boy in the Mid West of America whose parents have the HORRIBLE taste to actually name him Clark Kent. Seriously, anyone who does that to their kid should be strongly considered for psychiatric evaluation. As luck would have it Clark develops super powers, in fact he gets the exact same power set as the the comic book character whose legacy haunts his high school life. What I really like about this book is that while it does place Superman in a lot of real life situation it doesn´t try to be like Watchmen and take a look at the effect of Superman on the world (at least not as a major aspect), nor does it deconstruct the character into a lump of psychosis. At its heart this is still a Superman story, just without the baggage that comes with The Big Blue Boy Scout. Busiek, an amazing author in his own right, really shines in this story as he shows us ways to utilize the Superman character that I can admit I never would have thought of myself. His relationship with Lois (not Lane) and their children, interactions with government agencies and the effects aging has on his powers are all gripping and beautifully done. The art is also fantastic, fitting the somewhat more realistic tone of the story. Really, the only bad part of this story is that it throws Superboy Primes (lack of)character into sharp relief. But really, that´s not that hard to do.

6. Watchmen. Seriously, if you don´t know why this comic book is on the list, go buy it now. Seriosly, right now. Go! I´ll wait... ... ... that´s better.

5. Rising Stars by J. Micheal Strasinsky. The first foray into super hero comics by the legendary writer of Babylon Five, Rising Stars is - much like Watchmen - an interesting look at the effect of super heroes on the world around them. Centering on a few of the 100+ super powered children born in Pederson, Illinois after a mysterious flash over the town, the story starts off with a murder mystery that turns normal super hero roles on their heads, the story eventually progresses to the Specials, as the Pederson kids (now adults of course) are known, facing off against those who wish to maintain the status quo of a broken and corrupt world. The art here is both a blessing and a curse. The story was horribly delayed at first because of legal issues between JMS and his publisher, Top Cow and during the delays the artist changed many times with the art swinging wildly from classic four colors super hero fare to dark realistic looking characters and while the artists are all top notch the lack of a consistent style hurts the narrative over all. Still the character designs, especially early in the story when things lean more to the classic super hero side, are really amazing. The two characters that stand out the most are Randy Fisk aka ¨Ravenshadow¨ an artist and the books requisite ¨darker and edgier¨ character and Jason Miller aka Patriot. Ravenshadow is literally The 90´s incarnate with a Jason Vorhese style mask, clawed gloves, a tattered cape and belts/straps everywhere... and it WORKS! The character may look like he´s meant to be fighting Spawn but the costume really serves to help emphasise how dark the character isn´t, he´s just an artistic guy with an odd aesthetic. Patriot, one of our books Flying Bricks, is instead a somewhat modern take on a classic design, draped in the American flag and smiling for all the world to see. Like any good book, the characters take the cake here. Even though the story is all a flash back and the reader knows the fate of all but one of the characters, JMS makes us care about all of the characters and their hopes and dreams as if they were real people. Twists, turns, an awesome story and amazing characters make this a must buy for any comic fan.

4. Ultimates/Ultimates 2 by Mark Millar. This a book people either love or hate, and I love it. The modern takes on the Avengers seem to split the fans right down the middle. Some think that Millar gave old characters solid and realistic new voices and personalities, while others feel that the loud and harsh characters where too over the top and thus insulting to the originals. That aside, this is my list and I love these books. Each character is interesting and three dimensional, especially Captain America; Millar really focuses on the idea that Cap is a man out of time, an idealised American Hero thrust into a grimy version of the present and being forced to deal with the fact that his ideals are entirely out of date and disrespected, but who refuses to give up the good fight. The plot is masterfully crafted (though it does feel a little off to have a Scotsman commenting so heavily on American culture/politics) with twists and turns that will keep your head on a swivel the entire time you´re reading it; the mysteries and reveals around Thor alone still rank as one of my favorite plots ever. The art it also fantastic; artist Bryan Hitch puts a level of detail into his art in this book that, in my opinion, has yet to be matched in modern comics. The only problem I ever had with this book were the delays. You´re average comic comes out monthly, and Ultimates was no exception. Its 25 isues should have taken just over two years to finish, but instead took five whole years, more than double what it should have been. The time between issues 9 and 10 of the second volume was enough to break a lesser fan. Thankfully this is a list of Trades so that´s not an issue. Oh, and if anyone tells you there was an Ultimates 3, they are telling you lies. Hateful, hateful lies.

3. The Sinestro Corps War by Geoff Johns and Dave Gibbons. Green Lantern has got to be seriously considered for break out hit of this past decade. In my lifetime the series has been revamped multiple times and canceled at least once. Until Geoff Johns relaunched the book at the start of the decade it looked like a dead franchise whose only legacy was a spot reserved on the Justice League. While the series got off to a mediocre start, this is the point where everyone knew that the new Green Lantern was one of the strongest horses in the comic book race. Along with Dave Gibbons, writer of the sister series Green Lantern Corps, Johns crafted an epic Space Opera about the war between the Green Lanterns and Sinestro´s new army of fear. This book is the perfect example of how to do big Event Comics right. Fairly self contained, with only one direct tie-in in the form of a single issue of Blue Beetle (which itself served more to advance BB´s story) and a few supplemental materials that weren´t required reading SCW didn´t spread itself to thin by trying to make the readers by a ton and a half of extra books. If you bought the two Green Lantern books, you had pretty much all you needed. The plotting and pace of the story was spot on, switching between the different fronts of the war at just the right time to give us answers while keeping up the suspense. The art is a little odd. In the main Green Lantern book Ivan Reis gives us a tour de force of sequential art, while the work of Patrik Gleeson in GLC is often muddy and just doesnt live up to the art in its big brother. The only issue I have with this book is its main character, Hal Jordan the Green Lantern of the Silver Age. Returned to life by Johns Hal retains the same problem that lead to the decission to remove him from the title in the first place, he is dull. Dull as dishwater. This story and Green lantern in general succeed not because of Hal, but in spite of him. And that is the best compliment I can give this book and Geoff Johns; this is a story about a character I have no interest in, but every time I pick it up I just can´ put it down.

2. The Immortal Iron Fist: The Last Iron Fist Story/The 7 Cities of Heaven by Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction. I can sell you Iron Fist in three words: KUNG FU BILLIONAIRE. Fraction and Brubaker take an old B-List hero and completely revitalize him. Danny Rand, the titular Iron Fist, goes from late 70´s joke to one of the most well written and well rounded characters in modern comics. His adventures as he discovers more and more about his legacy as an immortal warrior breath new life into him and his world. Another amazing facet of this story, sadly contained only in the first book is Orson Randall, the Iron Fist that came before Danny. This broken Old Soldier comes out of no where but fits solidly into the over all mythos of the book that, combined with his awesome personality and amazing sense of style (¨Like fire from heaven!¨), I would gladly pay full price for a book just about him. While we don´t get nearly enough of Orson we are treated to Danny´s fellow Immortal Weapons in the second arc (another new addition to the mythos) that all bound onto the scene with wonderful personalities and eccentricities. My personal favorite is the massive sumo Fat Cobra, a deceptively quick and quite jovial brawler with a gaggle of wenches for every occasion. The art in the book is solid, but nothing really to write home about. Like any good comic, its the writing that takes the cake here, and its hard to find better writing then Immortal Iron Fist.

1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier/Red Scare/The Death of Captain America (OMG SPOILERS) by Ed Brubaker. Our only other repeat winner on this list, Ed Brubaker is back with his (still ongoing at the time of writing) fantastic run on Captain America. There´s nothing I don´t love about this book. From putting new life into one of the oldest characters in comics, to the amazing art of Steve Epting to the way it handled resurrecting a long dead character (something most books do as ham-fistedly as possible; I´m looking at you, Jason Todd!) this book does everything right. Few other writers could have done everything Brubaker did in this book and do it as well as he did. And the best part, he´s still doing it! This list may be in no particular order, but Id be hard pressed not to say that this book isn´t the best on the list.

Well that´s my list. I hope you enjoyed it and I´m sorry if I strained your eyes with all the text, I tend to ramble.

This is The Ed, signing off.

...takes on the World. Part 2

So, back to Final Fantasy X...

Tidus wakes up submerged in water (get used to that, Tidus spends more time in Water than most amphibians), and sets out to explore this crazy place he's stumbled into. It's here while exploring that I find an Al-bhed primer, so it's a safe place to segue into the whole Al-bhed language thing.

I understand what they were going for with this. I really do. It's interesting and makes the Al-Bhed seem all the more strange and alien when we first encounter them. Plus, it gives completionists another mind-boggling side quest to complete. Luckily when you start a new game, you can chose to compile all the Al-Bhed primers you've found in previous games, those making it easier to understand them. And I had already finished save on the memory card, so I'm bound to have a good chunk of Al-Bhed, right?

Nope, seems I have like B, H, Y, and I think J. Wow. Even with a save game where I won I can't speak this damn language. Awesome.

Anyways, Tidus fights some fish and then runs off into a cave after the immortal wisdom of Qui-Gon Jinn comes to haunt him. Yep, a bigger fish. And this one has like a crzay skeletal rib cage thing going on.

So, now Tidus is in some ruins where he builds a fire with the most colorful pieces of flint I have ever seen, and reflects on how much his dad sucks for making fun of him. I don't blame Jecht, cause between us, Tidus is a bit of a pussy so far.

But Tidus's idle musings are cut short by a giant lizard, and just as it attacks, one of the walls explodes inward and a group wielding guns and wearing the most colorful latex fetish suits known to man burst in. The female (armed only with a dagger/claw thing it seems) walks up and joins Tidus, while the guys with the guns, STAND THERE AND WATCH!! Hey, jerk-faces, I know that English isn't your first language, so Fro tuh'd oui kad uvv ouin yccac yht cruud drec mewynt, lulgmotodac!

Anyways, turns out the hot chick has some grenades on her, and the Steal Command. Cool, Thief was always one of my favorite FF classes. The two beat the lizard and then the BDSM club argue about Tidus. The girl seems to stop the arguement and then knocks Tidus out in one punch!

Okay, Tidus, you suck. No, Seriously. If this can knock you out in a single punch to the gut, then you need to do some serious leveling in badass before I can take you seriously.

So Tidus wakes up on a strange boat and the Al-Bhed tell him to make himself useful, thanks to Goggle Girl's sudden ability to speak English. They want him to help with their underwater salvage operation. That's right, more water! I've been playing for about an hour now, and not counting the 15 minute cutscene of Sin destroying Zanarkand, I've been in or under water for about 30 minutes. I'm amazed that Square didn't release Final Fantasy Swimwear with this thing, given how much the characters are in the water.

Al-Bhed Chick gives you a run through on this games leveling system the Sphere Grid and then down we go! Another pointless fish fight and Tidus bangs on some screens and powers up an underwater base, revealing well, it looks like a failed pottery project, but the Al-Bhed swear it's an airship. And I know this because it's the only damn word they say that I can understand.

Tidus tells Rikku (who FINALLY introduces herself, not the Tidus tells her his name), his backstory and she concludes that since Zanarkand was destroyed a thousand years ago, he must have been mentally effected by being close to Sin.

So, it's an unspeakable immortal horror with Non-Euclidean geometry that teleported me into the future AND causes SAN loss? When did I start playing Call of Cthulu?

Well, speak of the devil and all, Sin arrives and knocks the boat around, sending Tidus overboard. God, this guy falls off things more easily than Lois Lane. The game again asks if I want to save. Okay game, I get that you just want to make sure I don't get killed and lose an hour of play, but you're also giving me a chance to put sown the controller and do something more productive. God, I hate this game.

Tidus comes to, submerged in water (I'm guessing this is a theme with him) and here we are introduced to the most rediculous looking character in all of Final Fantasy, Wakka. Wakka is the Captain and Coach of the Besaid Aurochs (and with his accent I keep hearing Bayside and waiting for Zach and Screech to show up) and well, I think the Nomura art speaks for itself on this:


What the hell is up with his hair? And with that weird cup thing on his shoulder wouldn't it be hard to swim? And seriously, your weapon is a Blitzball? Okay, there are a handful of people that can get away with ordinary objects as weapons. Mostly because they're masters of Prop Fu, but Wakka...

And if you're gonna spend so much time in the water, wouldn't you want less layers rather than more? Last I checked, layer upon layer of Fabric gets kinda heavy and cumbersome when wet.

Anyways, Tidus impresses Wakka with his l33t bl1tz sk1llz and Wakka takes him to the village of Besaid to get some food. Tidus asks Wakka about Zanarkand to double check if Rikku was lying to him. Turns out Wakka is convinced that Sin's thousand year reign of terror is because people used machines to make their life easier.

Is this one of those Japan commenting on Technology things? Cause I get enough of that in Metal Gear Solid, thanks.

The boys get to the village after some random encounters and Wakka suggests that you introduce yourself to the Summoner at the temple. Given that Tidus seems to not have clue one about what's going on, I can't wait to see what happens when he pisses all over their religion. I smell comedy!!

I hate this game...

...takes on the World.

I'm gonna start off what's bound to be a multi-post review with a little background, particularly of my love affair with Final Fantasy.

I discovered the Final Fantasy games thanks to a buddy of mine waaaaaaaaaaaay back in like 7th grade with Final Fantasy III (read VI) back on the SNES. He'd rent it from a nearby Video Store (remember those?) and we'd spend the weekend playing the same 30 hours of the game (I can still get through at least the Phantom Train almost blindfolded). From then on, I was hooked on RPGs, eventually graduating to the Tabletop RPGs I still regularly play to this day.

I have fond memories of these games, and an abundance of Free Time, so I figured I'd give Final Fantasy X another playthrough. It's been awhile since I had played, and I have fond memories of my first run through.

Final Fantasy X was the first FF game released for the Playstation 2, and came out so close to the debut of the PS2 that it might as well have been a launch title. It shows off the amazing graphic powers of the PS2 (of the time) and is still one of the best looking games of the PS2.

But damn, I forgot how much I hated this game.

Let's get into this then, dear companions. Final Finatasy X, the last of the colorful Final Fantasy Games, before they all went Sepia toned.

The game opens on a set of ruins and a group of characters sitting around, like they're trying to figure out which poor bastard to vote off the island. And then to the relief of the party, the androgynous blonde who's narrating in his head gets up and tells us that this is "his story." Wow, way to make me feel a part of this...and I'm not even to the damn New Game/Load screen yet. This is gonna suck...

So, the game proper starts off in the city of Zanarkand, which resembles Coruscant from Star Wars, except that there's random waterfalls coming off the buildings. Yes Squaresoft, I get it. You can do water now. Do you want a cookie?

And it's in Zanarkand that we are properly introduced to the poorly voice acted blonde from earlier...who the game is kind enough to let us name...wait, hold on. If I can name this asshat, then no one is going to say his name. So, we have the first Final Fantasy with voice acting, and no one is going to the call the hero by name?

Awesome.

So, we find out that Tidus (and no I'm not going to get into the Ti-dus, Tee-Dus arguement) is the star Blitzball player of the Zanarkand Abes. Wow, thank you Final Fantasy. I've always wanted to play as an athlete...oh, wait, no I don't. If I did, I'd play a goddamn Madden game. I play Final Fantasy for swords, not Sports.

So, after we walk to the stadium (hearing some commentator talking about Jecht) we are blessed with an awesome cutscene...wait, a second...wasn't Tidus white a minute ago?

Seriously, here's Tidus's character design (which I'll get into in a sec)...



And here's his Cutscene Face...



So, in-game he's white, but in the Cutscenes he's vaguely Asian? Okay, that's weird.

Now, about Tidus' character design...I hate this outfit. It makes no fucking sense, why is one leg longer than the other? And what's up with the woven arm thing? And why are Tidus's boxer briefs longer than his Shorts?

And then there's Bliztball...I know that everytime you bring physics and realism into a fantasy game, God kills a Catgirl, but I have to ask this...HOW THE FUCK DO THESE PEOPLE BREATHE?! Seriously, Bliztball is this kinda underwater rugby thing, but no one comes up for air. Do they have gills? Is it the oxygen water thing from The Abyss? How the hell does this work?

Luckily, we don't have to wait long, as a tidal wave has decided to take vengence for Blitzball being dumb and begins launching energy blasts at Zanarkand, decimating the city.

Wait, the water launched energy blasts? How does that work? Oh, who cares, Tidus is dead and maybe I can play as the badass looking one arm drunk in the red trenchcoat.

No such luck, as Tidus picks himself back up and we meet Auron, the aforementioned hobo, who hands you a sword and tells you to man up and kick ass.

So, you battle your way through these Sin-Spawn and then a cutscene kicks in and Auron looks like he's communing with the Lovecraftian abomination and picks Tidus up by the collar and more or less chucks blondey into the gaping maw.

I like Auron. Alot. I can't wait to meet back up with him.

The game asks me if I want to save, and I wisely do so...only to find out I'm like 10 minutes into this...I have a bad feeling about this...

...Jumps the Shark.

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, welcome to 20-Sided Tardis, where our opinions are bigger on the Inside.

This blog is dedicated to discussing, reviewing and talking about all things geeky, from Tabletop Gaming to Anime to American Comic Books and beyond. So, pull up a chair dear companions and let's begin our foray, shall we?

Back in the early 90s, Batman the Animated Series came out and re-defined cartoons. It was dark, it was moody, and it is STILL the definitive interpretation of the Dark Knight. When I read Batman comics, Kevin Conroy is the voice I hear.

But we're not talking about that today. No, today, we're talking about the DCAU's best project, the absolutely amazing BATMAN BEYOND (or Batman of the Future for those of you outside the US.)

Batman Beyond came out in January of '99 and tells the story of Terry McGuiness, a troubled boy who through a series of misadventures becomes Batman. That's right, he stumbles into the Batcave, steals the Batsuit, foils some evil shenanigans at Wayne Powers Enterprises and Bruce Wayne (aged like 900) decides that the kid can stay Batman. Bruce monitors and guides him from the Batcave, and Terry has a series of adventures as he comes into his own as Batman.

The show was fantastic, and offered a new take on a 60 year old character. Terry's rogue gallery wasn't just "futuristic" versions of Bruce's old villains, but were brand new and unique. Inque, Blight, Shriek, Curare, and The Royal Flush Gang all add something new to the Batman mythos. My only real issue I ever had with the show was with Dana Tan, Terry's girlfriend (and I use the term loosely). The two were always on the verge of break-up (which is one of my top 10 female cliches that I hate), and to top it off, I'm a big fan of Superhero on Superhero action as far as relationships go (I'll talk about that more in a future blog).

The show was just as dark, moody and successful as it's predecessor, and I think part of it is that it didn't talk down to it's audience. It didn't assume (as many shows seem to) that it's viewers were morons, and I think that's why it's held up, even after 10 years. Unfortunately, its wasn't renewed for a 4th Season (Cartoon Network instead launched the also phenomenal Justice League). If you haven't seen it, check it out. All 3 Seasons are available on DVD, and it's definitely worth it.


You can trust me, I'm a Doctor!