Tuesday, December 29, 2009

...takes on the World.

I'm gonna start off what's bound to be a multi-post review with a little background, particularly of my love affair with Final Fantasy.

I discovered the Final Fantasy games thanks to a buddy of mine waaaaaaaaaaaay back in like 7th grade with Final Fantasy III (read VI) back on the SNES. He'd rent it from a nearby Video Store (remember those?) and we'd spend the weekend playing the same 30 hours of the game (I can still get through at least the Phantom Train almost blindfolded). From then on, I was hooked on RPGs, eventually graduating to the Tabletop RPGs I still regularly play to this day.

I have fond memories of these games, and an abundance of Free Time, so I figured I'd give Final Fantasy X another playthrough. It's been awhile since I had played, and I have fond memories of my first run through.

Final Fantasy X was the first FF game released for the Playstation 2, and came out so close to the debut of the PS2 that it might as well have been a launch title. It shows off the amazing graphic powers of the PS2 (of the time) and is still one of the best looking games of the PS2.

But damn, I forgot how much I hated this game.

Let's get into this then, dear companions. Final Finatasy X, the last of the colorful Final Fantasy Games, before they all went Sepia toned.

The game opens on a set of ruins and a group of characters sitting around, like they're trying to figure out which poor bastard to vote off the island. And then to the relief of the party, the androgynous blonde who's narrating in his head gets up and tells us that this is "his story." Wow, way to make me feel a part of this...and I'm not even to the damn New Game/Load screen yet. This is gonna suck...

So, the game proper starts off in the city of Zanarkand, which resembles Coruscant from Star Wars, except that there's random waterfalls coming off the buildings. Yes Squaresoft, I get it. You can do water now. Do you want a cookie?

And it's in Zanarkand that we are properly introduced to the poorly voice acted blonde from earlier...who the game is kind enough to let us name...wait, hold on. If I can name this asshat, then no one is going to say his name. So, we have the first Final Fantasy with voice acting, and no one is going to the call the hero by name?

Awesome.

So, we find out that Tidus (and no I'm not going to get into the Ti-dus, Tee-Dus arguement) is the star Blitzball player of the Zanarkand Abes. Wow, thank you Final Fantasy. I've always wanted to play as an athlete...oh, wait, no I don't. If I did, I'd play a goddamn Madden game. I play Final Fantasy for swords, not Sports.

So, after we walk to the stadium (hearing some commentator talking about Jecht) we are blessed with an awesome cutscene...wait, a second...wasn't Tidus white a minute ago?

Seriously, here's Tidus's character design (which I'll get into in a sec)...



And here's his Cutscene Face...



So, in-game he's white, but in the Cutscenes he's vaguely Asian? Okay, that's weird.

Now, about Tidus' character design...I hate this outfit. It makes no fucking sense, why is one leg longer than the other? And what's up with the woven arm thing? And why are Tidus's boxer briefs longer than his Shorts?

And then there's Bliztball...I know that everytime you bring physics and realism into a fantasy game, God kills a Catgirl, but I have to ask this...HOW THE FUCK DO THESE PEOPLE BREATHE?! Seriously, Bliztball is this kinda underwater rugby thing, but no one comes up for air. Do they have gills? Is it the oxygen water thing from The Abyss? How the hell does this work?

Luckily, we don't have to wait long, as a tidal wave has decided to take vengence for Blitzball being dumb and begins launching energy blasts at Zanarkand, decimating the city.

Wait, the water launched energy blasts? How does that work? Oh, who cares, Tidus is dead and maybe I can play as the badass looking one arm drunk in the red trenchcoat.

No such luck, as Tidus picks himself back up and we meet Auron, the aforementioned hobo, who hands you a sword and tells you to man up and kick ass.

So, you battle your way through these Sin-Spawn and then a cutscene kicks in and Auron looks like he's communing with the Lovecraftian abomination and picks Tidus up by the collar and more or less chucks blondey into the gaping maw.

I like Auron. Alot. I can't wait to meet back up with him.

The game asks me if I want to save, and I wisely do so...only to find out I'm like 10 minutes into this...I have a bad feeling about this...

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